Beware of Mistaken Marriage Advice That “All Couples Fight”

This article is a response by Dr. Susan Heitler to a paragraph within another article by psychologist Harriet Lerner. The troublesome paragraph includes a piece of conventional wisdom, particularly that all couples fight, that Heitler found bothersome because her belief is that the saying is not only wrong, but lowers the bar for a couple’s expectations if they believe it. Dr. Heitler believes that relationships can do better than fighting, because fighting is a break down in cooperation and partnership. So, instead of fighting at any level of intensity of responsibility, couples should seek to talk cooperatively.

 

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