Kailee needed to know how to deal with jealousy. Not her husband’s—her own. She knew it was getting in the way. She knew she was becoming more and more impossible to deal with. In her better moments she could admit that it wasn’t Will’s fault. But the jealousy was there, eating her up. They were turning into the perfect stereotype of couples fighting over nothing, embarrassing their friends, their families.
The end came the day Will told her over dinner that he was leaving—going back to his parents to stay until she either got therapy or he filed for divorce, whichever came first.
The problems of jealousy, like money problems, are common causes of couples fighting. Too often, undealt with, they can lead to the end of otherwise sound relationships. Learning how to deal with jealously can be a central issue in saving a marriage. But too often those who suffer from jealousy refuse to take the vital step of getting help.
There continues to be a deep reluctance to accept the help of therapy in this nation. In spite of the fact that therapists have been helping couples deal with problems ranging from how to deal with jealousy to such ultimate challenges as death and dying, too often people assume that their problem can’t be addressed. Couples fighting on a daily basis assume that their problems are too small for therapy, or too difficult to resolve. Unfortunately, they are so tragically wrong.
By entering into a serious therapeutic treatment with a good therapist couples fractured by jealousy can begin to understand the nature of the beast, the causes of the green eyed monster that rips at the trust and love in a relationship. Learning new patterns of thought and behavior, exploring the underlying fears that brought about the original problem, can allow partners to break the cycle of couples fighting and find new hope together.
Therapy not only teaches how to deal with jealousy itself. It allows both members in a couple to start restructuring their expectations, guided by the experience and training of an independent and discerning expert. A relationship that looked close to ending can begin to heal. With new strength and security love can blossom again.
Kailee was smart, and lucky. She could have turned Will’s ultimatum into the end of her marriage. Instead she found a therapist and began to work on her trust issues, setting out to learn how to deal with jealousy. In time she and Will started doing couples work as well. It was a landmark day when Will moved back in. Now when they hear other couples fighting they look at each other, remembering the bad old days, so grateful that they are over.
If your relationship is torn by fighting and jealousy, don’t make the mistake of assuming there’s no help for you. Therapy can provide the support and guidance you need. Don’t delay—begin to change your life for the better now.