The Darkest Time Of Your Life

The Darkest Time Of Your Life

Helpless Tears

Elaine couldn’t stop crying. It was so stupid: she wasn’t a kid anymore. She knew about relationship breakup. She’d even broken up before. But this time it hurt somewhere deep: it felt like something had broken that would never be mended, ever again. Her friends were all tired watching her, and tired of hearing her explain she was dealing with a breakup and needed time. She didn’t dare tell them that sometimes she just called in sick, lay in bed and felt the tears slide down her face, and the sobs shake her ribs without being able to control it at all.

That was the most terrifying part: when she was fine she was fine. But when the tears started they wouldn’t quit. One day she was making scrambled eggs in her kitchen, and she heard a voice that sounded like his…and she began to cry. When she heard her own tears sizzling on the burner she knew she needed help dealing with this relationship breakup. It wasn’t getting any better on its own.

A Common Pain

Finding you have descended into depression when dealing with a relationship breakup isn’t unusual. Although it may be the most obvious sign of a relationship breakup, it’s really only one part of the developmental process that one must go through. Anger, depression, guilt, and having specific regrets comprise normal stages most experience after relationships end. Even if you’ve been there before, and thought you had it down cold, a relationship breakup can hit you in vulnerable areas you didn’t even know you had. But the fact that these emotional stages are common doesn’t mean they can’t wreck havoc in your life. The tears, apathy, despair, anger and anguish can create as much destruction as the breakup itself. Going it alone may not be the best approach, either. There are times to accept help, and that time may well be now.

A Friend In A Time Of Need

Most people try to go it alone, or lean on friends. But friends don’t know how to help sometimes. What are they going to say when, months after a relationship breakup, you’re still reading Chinese fortune cookies looking for a good one that means “he is coming back” and crying in your tea when you get one that says, “Tall as a lonely pine tree, you will endure!” A trained counselor can be a friend in ways your personal friends can’t, guiding you through the pain, teaching you how to deal with a relationship breakup, holding you to the task of moving on and letting go, helping you deal with the bits and pieces that churn out of you without your conscious control.

“But I Feel So Stupid!”

That’s why you want someone with training! A friend may love you, but never know why humans hurt the way they do. A friend is not a “doctor for souls,” and has no training for dealing with relationship breakup. A counselor or therapist can …and will know that none of this is silly at all. Just human, and hard: a struggle with anguish that deserves respect and compassion as well as firm discipline.

A Day Without Tears

One day, months after she started seeing a therapist who specialized in dealing with a breakup, Elaine woke up smiling. She had been dreaming the most wonderful dream about birds and balloons. The morning was rainy and soft, and she hummed as she got dressed, picking out soft pinks and purples with just a little bit of green to set off the gentle spring colors. A pair of pink Mary Janes finished her outfit. She grabbed her purse, ran down the stairs from her apartment, and caught the bus to work.

She was halfway there before it dawned on her: she couldn’t remember the last time she’d cried…and for the first time since the relationship breakup she knew: she felt really, really good. When she got to work she was smiling.

Elaine took command of her life and found the way out of despair. You can, too. A counselor is in reach: take the time to learn what your community can offer, and learn to deal with relationship breakup.

 

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