With the advancement of technology, the ability to have an emotional or romantic affair has become easier than ever. This is due, in part, to sites such as Ashley Madison or apps like Tinder. Both of which are set up to allow you easy and secret engagement in an illicit affair with very little effort.
But affairs can be innocently initiated through social media as well. Many people strike up conversations with old flames or even old friends on Facebook and one thing often does lead to the next. So, while having an affair couldn’t be any easier with today’s technology, it is interesting to note that women are often having affairs for different reasons than men.
Reason #1: Lack of Emotional Connection
When women find themselves in an emotionally distant relationship, they can seek out an affair after lengthy periods of loneliness and emotional disconnection. Women desire connection, especially when there’s an attraction to a man who makes them feel alive. (Note that for this article we are focusing on heterosexual relationships). The sex is simply a byproduct of that emotional component. If their husband or partner isn’t making the effort to forge, nurture, and actively participate in that connection, the wife will sometimes find it elsewhere.
Reason #2: Unsatisfying Sex Life
Just because women crave emotional intimacy doesn’t mean women don’t want a satisfying sex life too. Although men are typically more focused on quantity (how often they have sex), women are more concerned with the quality of their sexual experience.
Women are less likely to be interested in having an affair with a man if there isn’t any emotional intimacy. So, even if they are interested in having sex, the way they typically get there is by feeling emotionally connected. Again, if they lack that physical or emotional intimacy with their partner, women will look for it somewhere else.
Reason #3: Revenge
Some women have affairs as payback, feeling justified in doing so because of their husband/partner’s actions. If she finds out that he’s having an affair, she may feel justified in having one herself. After all, if he can have an affair, why can’t she?
But her affair doesn’t always repay an affair. This response can apply whenever she feels mistreated in any capacity. Revenge affairs could occur because of emotional distancing, verbal abuse, or even physical abuse. Now, she has a reason to do something for herself and to get some payback.
Reason #4: To End a Relationship
For many women, it’s too scary to leave a problematic relationship without having a comfortable landing spot. There are, of course, logistical questions to consider:
- Where will I live?
- How will I take care of my children?
- Who can I turn to?
In some cases, women will not feel comfortable leaving unless there is someone else already in their lives to turn to. These women feel they need a man in their lives to survive physically and emotionally.
Reason #5: As a Way of Coping with Stressful Transitions
Women sometimes seek out affairs as a maladaptive way of dealing with a difficult life transition. For example:
- Their children are grown up and leave home. Coping with the “empty nest” can be challenging for many.
- The death of a parent or any close relative occurs.
- A loved one is experiencing a serious medical problem.
- She experiences a job loss.
Having an affair to cope with these tough moments in life is, of course, an unhealthy way
to cope with the situation. While these affairs can provide some comfort, more importantly, they just serve as a distraction from the current difficult situation.
Unfortunately, regardless of gender, affairs happen far too often and create great pain and turmoil. This happens not just for the participants involved, but for many family members as well. While most relationships can recover from an affair with professional help, it’s of course much more ideal that couples get help before choosing to be unfaithful.
Each partner needs to identify any emotional distance in their relationship (before becoming tempted with an affair). Seek out individual counseling to work through relationship struggles too. The more awareness and support you can obtain, the sooner you will be able to reconnect and build a healthier relationship.