New Foundations

Tonya had thought her relationship with Lee was perfect. He liked what she liked. He wanted what she wanted. What she did, he did. Then, one day, he announced that as far as he was concerned it was a complete relationship breakdown and he was packing his bags. She stood in the hall of their apartment, crying and desperate, and asked over and over, “What happened? We were happy!”

“You were happy,” Lee growled. “You never even noticed I wasn’t. Not when I told you right out. You knew best. Well I can’t take it anymore.”

The apartment felt so empty with him gone. At first Tonya blamed Lee. It had to be his fault, didn’t it? They’d been so good together. She couldn’t have been wrong. But then she began to remember little things. Things he’d said, things he’d done. Times he hadn’t seemed so happy. She began to realize that she didn’t even know when the relationship breakdown had begun. That’s when she decided that if she and Lee were ever going to heal she had to learn how to rebuild trust.

We’re all the heroes of our own lives: we live in our heads and can easily miss the critical changes in the lives of our partners. It’s easy to be far into relationship breakdown before recognizing how severe things have gotten. But that fact alone can add to the difficulty. Learning to be aware of a partner, to support and recognize their needs, is part of learning how to rebuild the trust when a marriage or partnership goes sour.

Few of us can accomplish that on our own. It’s too hard, the issues are often too close to have real perspective. However, with a trained therapist progress can be made. Counselors draw on their vast experience and academic training. The accumulated knowledge of brilliant pioneers in psychiatry has given the modern professional therapist a wealth of techniques and tools to draw from when working to resolve relationship breakdown and rebuild trust.

It’s difficult to make the choice of going into therapy. People worry: “Can I open myself up that much?” “Can I start alone, or do I need to make my partner come too?” “Is there any hope at all?” Or sometimes “Will things even get worse?”

The truth is that couples therapy is an effective method of helping couples. It takes place in a secure and confidential setting. As trust grows between a therapist and a client or couple, openness becomes easier. A client can start alone and partners can be brought in later. And there is great hope! By making use of the guidance and wisdom of a professional counselor the chances of a positive outcome improve greatly.

Tonya’s therapy was challenging and not always easy. She had to learn how to rebuild trust in herself before she could hope to rebuild it between herself and Lee. But as she came to understand the ordinary, human failings that had led to the relationship breakdown, and learned techniques for dealing with them, she felt stronger and more certain there was hope.

She called Lee and told him that she’d been getting help. She told him how much their relationship meant to her. And she asked him if he’d try again, this time with a counselor to help make sure they could rebuild trust and get it right. He said yes…and they’ve been together ever since.

Finding a way to heal relationship breakdown and rebuild trust is as simple as picking up a phone and making a call. With the support and guidance of a trained counselor you can begin a new, happier life today. Don’t deny yourself the help you need. Make the call and begin to heal.


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