Angele and Mike were legends: the least happy couple in their entire circle. People said they were the poster couple for marital discord. It seemed like they could fight about a sunny day. As for a rainy day? Look out: the thunder and lightning would be no match for the fireworks. They didn’t even seem to be having fun fighting…they were honestly, utterly miserable. But it was just as clear they loved each other.
Angele would sigh, sometimes, talking to her friends. Her friend Lizabet said, “Hey—you know how to save your marriage. You have to work at it…and you have to get help. You’ve got to get a counselor, dummy!” But it was only after years of marital discord that Angele realized that Lizabet was right. Only when the fights seemed to begin the day and end it did she finally break down and ask Mike if they could please, please see a therapist.
To her amazement he sat down and nearly cried. “I thought you wouldn’t want to go,” he said. “I was afraid we’d go crazy without help, and I didn’t think you’d go.”
Couples experiencing marital discord often know that the answer is a call away. Counseling has become a respected and regular part of American life. Only the uncertainty of how to handle entry into a counseling relationship prevents some couples from getting the help they need. Whether it’s a matter of finding a counselor, having the courage to attend sessions alone at first if necessary, or the concern that the other partner won’t cooperate, the benefits are too important to overlook.
Learning how to save your marriage is important enough to outweigh most concerns. Professional counselors, using decades of information from all specialties and aspects of marital therapy, have assembled an array of techniques and methods that help couples learn their own individual dynamics, the new habits they need to love and live together, and how to get past the many injuries and common issues that even the most loving of couples struggle with.
Drawing on positive sources of successful relationships counselors can help you learn how to save your marriage. There really are “best practices” in marriage – as there are in other fields. Those suffering from years of marital discord can learn the basic elements of what constitues a healthy relationship and learn to eliminate the destructive and damaging behaviorse. With the calm guidance of a counselor, a new and healthy patterns can be forged.
Angele and Mike found a great counselor. It helped that they were both so sure they wanted help. But that just meant they were ahead of many who reach that certainty together later. They learned how they were each triggering one another into patterns of aggression and argument, and the many unspoken expectations and assumptions each was contributing to their marital discord.
The result has been good. Their friends no longer consider them the perfect example of a miserable couple. They laugh more, love more, and spend their time appreciating their life and their marriage. All thanks to them having the courage to learn how to change.
You, too, can learn how to change. If you’re struggling with marital discord and want to learn how to save your marriage the place to begin finding the answer is with an experienced couples therapist. Too many couples unfortunately, will never take the one vital first step. That step? To contact a therapist. Don’t be one of the ones who miss the opportunity.