Stress is so common in our world today. Oftentimes we are so used to it that we don’t fully realize the toll that stress takes in our lives. There are many different sources of stress. Most often people think of work stress, financial stress, or family stress as the greatest sources of anxiety. So, what happens to relationships when one or both partners is struggling with different life stressors? Ultimately, it comes down to how well individuals and couples cope with stress. However, when left unaddressed, stress can jeopardize a relationship and cause partners to become more emotionally distant from one another.
The Toll of Stress on Relationships
One recent study in England indicated that because of stress, couples decided it was better to sleep in separate bedrooms. Also, in general, stress causes people to have less patience and greater irritability. As a result, stress leads to partners being angrier more frequently with each other. Additionally, couples experience greater emotional distancing from one another. This is a big problem since healthy couples require both physical and emotional connectedness in order to have a healthy relationship. Over the long-term, stress can cripple a relationship and cause it to fail.
Steps to Take for Avoiding and Preventing Stress
So, what steps should couples take who are experiencing significant amounts of stress?
- Identify the source of stress. It’s important for partners to recognize where the stress is coming from in both their lives.
- Tackle stress head-on. While some amount of stress in life can’t be avoided (life is fundamentally stressful) couples can get better with how they cope with it. For instance, are they getting the needed emotional support? Are they exercising regularly and remembering to continue to engage in enjoyable activities (especially activities that lower their anxiety levels)? Have they tried meditating or sought out an enjoyable group activity?
- Turn towards one another. Couples need to get better at turning towards their partners to share how they feel. By doing so, they will be making what’s called “a bid for connection.” This really helps individual partners to no longer feel like they need to take on everything on their own. Instead, they will be working together as a team to better deal with the stress. Of course, the side benefit is that partners feel more emotionally connected to each other too.
- Establish rituals together. It’s really helpful to consider how to support one another. However, regularly scheduled date nights and even physical intimacy also ensure that partners are maintaining the physical connection necessary for adequately coping with stress. This is also another way to build emotional intimacy as well with one another.
- Don’t take on stress alone. If stress is so overwhelming that one partner can’t provide enough support for the other, reach out for help. Friends and family are the logical next steps for seeking out support. They are already present in your life and will invest in helping you. Also, reaching out to a therapist for individual therapy is important if the stress is so great that it’s unbearable.
The sad reality is that many people simply try to “push through” and ignore the stress building in their lives. Or, even if they do realize that stress is a problem, they do not take the needed steps to cope with it in the best way. However, it doesn’t have to be this way.
Although it’s impossible to avoid stress completely, there are healthy ways to both cope and to prevent it from damaging your relationship. If stress is truly impacting your relationship, don’t hesitate to seek out couples counseling for additional support.