There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. All relationships require some give and take. However, some people struggle in relationships that are not meeting their needs. These types of relationships require an unhealthy amount of sacrifice.
How do you know if you are in a relationship that’s not right for you?
Here are six signs that your relationship isn’t the right one as well as seven ways that fear might be keeping you in your relationship.
Six Signs You Are Not in the Right Relationship
Consider these six warning signs that your relationship isn’t right for you.
1. You are the only one making the compromises and sacrifices in the relationship.
2. Your partner fundamentally doesn’t like you for who you are and tries to find ways to change you.
3. Most of the compromises that you make go against your core values or needs. This is done simply to keep the peace in the relationship.
4. Your partner not only is often very critical of you but has been contemptuous of you as well.
5. Your partner is emotionally and/or physically abusive.
6. Your partner has been physically or emotionally unfaithful to you.
Seven Ways Fear Might Be Keeping You in Your Relationship
If the relationship is so unhealthy for you, why are you still in it? Often the answer is fear. Here are ways that fear might be keeping you in a relationship.
- Fear of Being Alone: This is probably the biggest reason why you are staying in an unhealthy relationship. It’s actually backed by research. For instance, researcher Stephanie S. Spielman concluded that fear of being single is the biggest predictor of staying in an unhealthy relationship or settling.
- Fear of Failure: While working with hundreds of clients who struggle in relationships, another common reason why many are reluctant to leave a bad relationship is the fear of failure. They are terrified of seeing themselves as a failure in relationships. This fear is often present because of previous relationship failures.
- Fear of Hurting Your Partner: Just because the relationship might not be right for you, that doesn’t mean you don’t care about or love your partner. Some people are very afraid of hurting their partner by leaving a relationship.
- Fear of Financial Consequences: Frequently people stay in unsatisfying relationships because of the potential for financial fallout. Most married couples can’t afford to maintain the same lifestyle or standard of living after a divorce or separation.
- Fear of Not Finding Anyone Better: Unfortunately, many believe that they are unworthy to be treated in a way that they deserve. It really affects their self-worth. In turn, they make the decision to stay in an unhealthy relationship.
- Fear of How Others Will Judge Them: Sadly, some people are concerned about how their family or friends will view them after a breakup. They are reluctant to do so because the end of their relationship will make them feel like a failure.
- Fear of Regret: This fear underlies all of the previous six fears. That’s because, some feel if they leave their relationship, they will regret the decision. They are afraid that by making that choice, they can never go back. This, in turn, causes them to experience indecision paralysis, where they avoid making any decision at all.
Of course, the simple answer is to not let fear rule over you. But that’s not always so simple. Instead of focusing on a “worst-case” future outcome (always being single), it’s better to consider how being in an unhealthy relationship results in making you unhappy and unfulfilled. Also, it’s important to know that being in a relationship is just one part of who you are. It’s much healthier to focus on the positive attributes of being single, rather than worst-case thoughts of not having a partner.
If you think that you are settling when it comes to your current relationship and feel stuck, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist for individual relationship counseling.