The novelty has worn off after 8 months of coping with the COVID-19 pandemic. Who hasn’t felt like Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog Day? Just rinse and repeat!
Being cooped up with your partner may no longer be the enjoyable experience it once was. In fact, many of us are going a little stir crazy as most days are starting to look the same.
Understanding and setting clear boundaries with one another is important as COVID-19 continues. Here are several important ways that you and your partner can cope with this evolving crisis.
Having Some Alone Time
During COVID, spending time alone has taken on new importance. Sure, some of us have tried new hobbies or learned a new skill. But most of us have spent way more time with our partners at home than we ordinarily would. That’s why we need to be able to spend some time alone.
Still, this is a delicate issue, one that isn’t going to be easy to share with your partner. When having this discussion, be as specific as possible. It’s important for them to know how much time alone you need and what exactly that will look like.
Clarify the Level of Caution with COVID-19
At the time of this writing, COVID infections are rising uncontrollably and hospitals are filling up. If you and your partner haven’t yet had a conversation as to what is acceptable risk-taking during the pandemic, now would be the time.
Three issues to cover in that discussion include:
- Your concerns
- Comfort levels for each of you
- Your partner’s concerns
Generally, it’s important to be on the same page with your partner on many issues. However, the pandemic crisis brings into sharp focus how critical it is to understand each other’s level of acceptable risk. It is also crucial to attempt to put an agreement in place.
Social Media
Researchers have studied how social media use by one partner dramatically affects the other partner. Your partner will likely feel snubbed or ignored while you are engrossed with social media at least some of the time.
Keep in mind that while you are scrolling through your feed or replying to messages, your partner is left on the sidelines. When you get sucked into social media you do so at the expense of your partner, for whom you are emotionally unavailable. That’s unhelpful, especially now, when both of you need to rely on each other to get through this pandemic.
Other Considerations
Some other considerations related to boundary issues and the impact to your relationship during COVID-19 include:
- Financial issues and money
- Personal and privacy issues
- Relationships with the in-laws and extended family
Perhaps you lost your job earlier in the year and money is tight.
Or, your partner really wants to visit family, though that might not be the safest decision right now.
What do you do?
Five Steps to Set Boundaries with Your Partner
1. Set aside time to discuss any boundary issues with your partner. Use a soft startup approach as opposed to just launching unexpectedly into discussing the issue with them.
2. Assertively share your thoughts and feelings and be honest with your partner about those boundary concerns.
3. Be curious and try to understand your partner’s perspective as much as possible.
4. Attempt to find an acceptable compromise with your partner that you both can live with.
5. If you are still stuck or there is no apparent room for compromise, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional support with couples counseling.
Remember, it’s okay to set boundaries with your partner. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love them. Clarifying and holding boundaries with your partner is about communicating your needs and coming to a reasonable understanding. That process benefits your relationship and keeps it healthy even during these very challenging times.