There has been plenty of research about how mindfulness improves emotional intelligence, increases resiliency, helps in coping with stress, and contributes to overall health. Clearly, mindfulness is an invaluable tool for many aspects of life.
However, there has been less study into the way mindfulness impacts couples. New research though, is examining how mindfulness influences the quality of relationships.
Specifically, Julianne McGill and researchers from Auburn University took a look at how mindfulness affects relationship satisfaction and quality. They surveyed 600 married and unmarried couples on mindfulness habits, levels of stress, relationship quality, and relationship satisfaction.
The researchers were able to create the following three categories of mindfulness:
Non-Reactivity
The first mindfulness category is non-reactivity to inner experience. This refers to a part of mindfulness where we are accepting and are simply being present in the here-and-now. We are with our thoughts and feelings (referred to as our inner experiences) without trying to change them.
Acting with Awareness
The next category of mindfulness, acting with awareness, refers to acting with intentionality. When acting with awareness, we effectively turn off the “auto-pilot mode” that we all seem to run on throughout our daily life. Instead, we consciously attend to our actions in the present moment. This is in contrast to not paying any attention and “just passing through life.”
Being Non-Judgmental
In this aspect of mindfulness, we refrain from any self-evaluations of our thoughts, feelings, or behavior. You would be surprised how often our own personal judgments interfere with our relationships.
Findings of the Research
Here are several key takeaways from this research:
1. For most partners, non-reactivity to their inner experiences and their stress levels predicted how satisfied the couples were in their relationships and their relationship quality. Predictably, lower stress levels were associated with non-reactivity and higher relationship quality.
2. Acting with awareness did not correlate with relationship quality, but interestingly it was associated with a woman’s sexual satisfaction.
3. An individual’s stressors impacted their sexual satisfaction.
4. The non-judgment aspect of mindfulness was not connected in any significant way to relationship satisfaction or relationship quality.
Thoughts about This Research
Overall, these findings are not surprising. It makes sense that non-reactivity to our inner experience is correlated with the perception of relationship quality. If we are non-reactive with our partners then we can avoid conflict in the first place.
In terms of acting with awareness, it is interesting that both partners engaging with awareness impacts a woman’s sexual satisfaction, but not men’s sexual satisfaction. The researchers indicate that this could be due to the difficulty women have in achieving an orgasm during sex. Also, acting with mindfulness can help partners behave more organically and spontaneously with one another.
In general, breaking down the components of mindfulness provides us more clues as to what aspects are most beneficial. Despite finding no significant results on the non-judgment aspect of mindfulness in this research, future research will likely give us clues as to how non-judgment impacts us and our relationships.
In conclusion, McGill sums it up this way,
“Although they play different roles, the twin aspects of mindfulness—non-reactivity to inner experience and acting with awareness—are important components of relational and sexual satisfaction. As the findings from this study show, acting mindfully not only improves your own happiness, it can also influence your partner’s happiness as well.”
Important Tips When Starting a Mindfulness Practice
- Carve out 20 minutes a day for practicing mindfulness. The best time to start is early in the morning. You can begin with 5-10 minutes and build up from there.
- Find a comfortable location in your home where you can practice being attentive.
- For those who want more structure, utilize mindfulness apps to help guide you with starting a practice.
Mindfulness is a powerful tool that allows us to be more attentive and present. Not just in life, but also in our relationships. This is helpful for a better understanding of our partners and our ability to meet their needs. However, if you find yourself struggling to start a mindfulness practice or connect with your partner, don’t hesitate to attend individual therapy or couples counseling.