Long-distance relationships are relatively common. Recent data shows that about 3 million people in the United States are in a relationship but live apart from each other. This statistic reflects those couples that live apart for reasons that are not due to relationship distress. Typically, geographic demands connected to one’s job, career, or school are the most common explanations for why couples choose to live apart.
Interestingly, relationship satisfaction scores for long-distance couples are not nearly as discouraging as many might predict. The research shows that these couples can have similar or even higher levels of relationship satisfaction than couples that are not in long-distance relationships. In a way, this is not surprising, since making a long-distance relationship work requires a fairly high degree of dedication from both partners.
Benefits of Long-Distance Relationships
There are actually some benefits to being in a long-distance relationship. Often it involves partners having more detailed conversations with one another. When they talk, they typically take the time to learn about one another’s lives.
Also, being in a long-distance relationship requires a greater degree of independence for each partner. Some couples who live together can become more enmeshed with one another and lose their individuality. Thus, long-distance relationships require that both partners have a healthy sense of individuality and independence.
Tips for Long-Distance Relationships
On the other side of the coin, there are definitely challenges to being in a long-distance relationship. Not being physically present in the same city or town with one another can strain any relationship.
Partners can feel lonely, isolated, and will certainly miss each other. They might miss out on some joyful events and opportunities to be together. They can also struggle when one partner could really use the in-person support of their mate.
Here are some tips to help increase relationship satisfaction for those in long-distance relationships.
- Use of technology: Facebook, video-chat, and regular old phone calls are essential tools to assist those in any long-distance relationship. They allow couples to maintain a level of connection that did not exist for prior generations. The more opportunities for connection, the greater the chance of creating a solid relationship foundation.
- Stay on the same page: It’s important that each partner understands the game plan for the long-distance relationship. How long will they be apart? Will there be a time when they will no longer be separated by distance? These are critically important questions that need to be answered.
- Be “together” even when apart: Just because couples live apart from one another doesn’t mean they can’t spend time or interact together at the same time. Using tools such as video chat can help with this. Consider designating a set time each week (or even each day) for spending quality time with one another. Watching the same movie or Netflix show at the same time can mimic actually being together.
- Plan for one-one-time together: Make sure to plan for the timing of specific events when both partners will physically be together. This is helpful in that it provides couples something to look forward to.
- Establish ground rules: It’s important that both parties are on the same page when it comes to expectations for one another. This helps avoid any situations that the other partner might find threatening to the relationship. Makes sure though, that the ground rules work for both partners.
If your long-distance relationship is struggling then it could be time to consider couples counseling. Although long-distance relationships present their own unique challenges, they are not fundamentally different from in-person relationships. Working with a therapist can help address both the common relationship issues that come up, in addition to those specific to long-distance relationships.