Most of us have been in quarantine for several weeks now and many states are well into their second month of being stuck at home. For most cohabitating relationships, this is a completely new experience. If, however, you are in a very new relationship, things might not be so bad during your “honeymoon high” phase. Spending all your time together while in this new and exciting phase of the relationship could be as close to nirvana as you can get!
Unfortunately, the reality is that most couples progressed past this honeymoon phase of their relationship. So. spending your entire time with your partner at home inevitably presents many challenges. This is especially true with two working partners. Typically, couples would only spend evenings and weekends together, but be apart during working hours (even when only one partner worked). Now, couples are spending all of their time together. There is also some discouraging news out of China (who is several weeks ahead of the US in terms of dealing with the virus). In the Chinese provinces where citizens had to quarantine, there are reports of unprecedented spikes in divorce applications. In addition, those couples who had relationship problems prior to the quarantine are only having a harder time now.
Similarly, the same holds true for those who have previously struggled managing stress and anxiety in their lives. Fears about the coronavirus in addition to the potential for job loss and significant financial stress only compounds their anxiety level. Also, for those of us with children, we are now tasked with helping our kids navigate distance learning. All the while, we simultaneously must try to adjust to working from home. It can feel WAY too much and become overwhelming. Thus, it is crucial to try to cope with the anxiety as well as possible so it does not seep into your relationship. Here are eight strategies to keep your relationship healthy during the quarantine.
1. Set Boundaries
You need to have an understanding with your partner about when and how each of you is working. For instance, do you have different offices, desks, or work stations for each of you? Are they too close together and need to be separated? Set explicit expectations about when the workday starts and ends. Consider staggering schedules so that one of you is available to help the kids with schoolwork or are at least available to just be present when needed.
2. Communicate Thoroughly
It’s important that you both communicate expectations with the two of you working and living at home 100% of the time. In addition, it’s important to consistently communicate your individual needs as well. Also, find a good time to share your feelings about what’s going on with the coronavirus and how it is impacting your thoughts, feelings, and fears.
Specifically, focus on the grief you each may be feeling. There is a definite sense of loss about what life was like pre-virus and how it is has been replaced by this new reality. Spend some time grieving the past and acknowledging the new COVID-19 reality. Additionally, consider planning for the future once this has passed. For example, plan one trip you’d both like to go on when it is safe to do so.
3. Carve Out Quality One-on-One Time
Setting aside one-on-one time with your partner is critical, especially if you have children. While you can’t go out on a typical date night right now, you can still find ways to spend quality time together. Be creative and find a space in the home or backyard where you can have one-on-one time.
4. The Need to Have Alone Time Too
Most people, including extroverts, do require a minimum of “me time” in order to feel good about themselves. Focus on your own interests and hobbies in order to recharge. It helps to have some downtime to relax, be creative, or work on a project.
5. Get Outdoors
Going for a walk or hiking together can be a great way for couples to connect and spend quality time together. If you have kids, spending time outdoors is an excellent way to shake up the routine of boredom and monotony during the quarantine. Just be sure to maintain social distance from others since almost everyone appears to be spending time outside.
6. Socialization
While you cannot meet with your close couples’ friends like you typically could, it’s still helpful to socialize via “video gatherings.” Have a happy hour over Zoom with friends to maintain some sense of socialization. This is important to do so both individually and also as a couple.
7. Set Up a Coping Strategy
Establish some type of coping strategy to help you consistently deal with the inevitable waves of anxiety during this pandemic. This will reduce the chances of communicating in unhealthy ways with your partner. Start a relaxation or meditation practice, begin playing a new musical instrument, or just carve out a block of time each day to listen to your favorite relaxing music. Of course, regular exercise, maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, and healthy eating are all important foundations that promote optimal mental health.
8. Utilize Your Resources
It’s critical that you secure the professional help you need if you are struggling in your relationship. You and your partner can currently receive the needed couples counseling via an online video session in the comfort of your own living room.
The coronavirus has turned our world and how we live in it upside-down. Any relationship, even the strongest, will have some rough edges during this crisis. Use the above tips so that the quarantine does not infect your relationship. If you’re still struggling, don’t hesitate to seek out couples counseling.