Unfortunately, there are far too many people who see relationships as an unrealistic fantasy or Hollywood movie. They meet someone, fall in love, and are supposed to live their remaining years in bliss. Who wouldn’t sign up for that?
The hard truth is that isn’t very realistic at all. The reality is that all relationships go through phases, and each has its own share of ups and downs. Let’s take a look at these stages and how they affect relationships.
Stage 1: Passion and Romance
This beginning stage occurs when infatuation happens between two partners. Neurochemicals in the brain give you a “love high” when you are with that special someone. During this stage, you view your partner with rose-colored glasses.
You will overlook your partner’s flaws and negative traits. You may also experience physical sensations such as flushed skin or even shaky hands. Dr. John Gottman has referred to this stage as a state of “limerence.”
Stage 2: Back to Earth
After the passion and infatuation fade, you’ll transition to stage 2 or the “back to earth” stage. In this stage, you realize that your partner is not as flawless and perfect as you first thought. The infatuation is gone and you begin to see them for who they really are.
This might startle you or your partner, which may motivate one or both of you to end the relationship. Essentially, stage 2 is when individuals who are addicted to the “new relationship high” tend to “exit stage left” ( leave the relationship).
Stage 3: Uncertainty and Disillusionment
The reality that hits you in stage 2 can turn into disappointment in stage 3. In this critical stage, all of your partner’s flaws are front and center and sharply in focus. It can feel quite devastating. You might even believe that you have picked the wrong partner.
For people who don’t realize that these thoughts are very typical for this stage, there is a great danger of ending the relationship prematurely. In fact, most couples don’t survive this stage without at least one or both partners being skilled communicators. Also, both partners need to have a solid foundation of trust to move beyond stage 3.
Stage 4: Teamwork and Stability
If the relationship makes it to stage 4, then it means that the couple has learned how they can complement one another. They have also learned to love each other despite each other’s flaws. There is a deepening of love in this stage. In addition, there’s usually an unspoken understanding that the relationship is going to last.
Stage 5: Commitment
In this final stage, one not all couples will reach, partners are more than just deeply committed to one another. Couples are thriving together as a team. They’ve learned how to successfully navigate the rough spots in their relationship. They have also learned how to turn those moments into sources of strength for their relationship as well.
The couple can now work together towards a common goal and vision for what their life will look like in the future.
Continuously Chasing a Dream
Understanding that these five stages exist is critical for your relationship’s longevity. However, many relationships don’t survive stage 3. A failure to recognize that all relationships go through a period of disillusionment and a premature breakup is common.
It takes work to navigate successfully through stage 3 in order to reach stages 4 and 5. Thus, you often see people fall out of relationships and move on to the next relationship very quickly. They are continuously looking for that romantic fantasy, which, unfortunately, is just a dream. If they learned how to do the hard work (which often includes attending couples counseling), they might find a much more satisfying relationship in the long-term.
To conclude, take the time to understand these relationship stages and try to identify the current stage of your own relationship. Use that as a starting point towards improving your relationship. Finally, don’t hesitate to seek out couple’s counseling for assistance in successfully navigating your relationship’s low points.