The never-ending COVID pandemic has, of course, profoundly impacted our world.
Currently, we are facing an arguable “third wave” of the virus due to the Delta variant. Our country and the world at large are taking a step backward. Thus, a large part of the U.S. is reintroducing indoor mask mandates and some private companies have even mandated vaccines for those wanting to remain employed.
So, how have relationships fared under the intense external stress in our lives?
The short answer: with mixed results.
Some relationships haven’t survived. Others have struggled. And still, others thrived with the increased time together at home. Most prior research has indicated that external stressors (those stemming from outside the relationship) hurt relationship quality and satisfaction. The most common examples of external stress include financial hardship, job stress, and job loss.
The pandemic however is certainly the epitome of an external stressor.
Does the pandemic uniformly harm relationships?
According to research, it depends. Certainly, the demand for therapists, in general, is high. Moreover, the demand for couples therapists, in particular, has skyrocketed. However, recent studies indicate that, by blaming the pandemic, you and your partner might be saving, or at least, helping, your relationship.
Researchers from the University of Texas wanted to examine the theory of what they call “stress spillover” and how it impacts couples’ relationship health. The premise behind the theory is simple: stress stemming from outside of the relationship will spill over into it and harm the quality of the relationship.
There is a caveat to that idea, though. If partners can easily identify that an external stressor or problem is directly connected to their stress, then their relationship may not be negatively impacted. In other words, easily linking stress to a once-in-a-lifetime event, like the pandemic, actually prevents the stress from harmfully spilling over into their relationship and connection.
The researchers collected data from 191 participants early on in the pandemic and then again 7 months later for a period of 14 days. They answered questions if blaming the pandemic for their problems in their relationship actually decreased this “stress spillover.” The results of this research did reveal that blaming the pandemic served to protect relationships from the negative impact of external stress.
Interestingly, however, they found that this was true for women, but not men. In other words, women who blamed the pandemic for their relationship problems (compared to those who did not) experienced less stress spillover. The researchers discussed that this might be due to fewer male participants. Or simply that women might be more vulnerable to stress spillover. Regardless, they concluded more research is needed to understand any gender differences.
So, what is the main difference between financial or job stress and the pandemic as external stressors?
In the case of the pandemic, a couple is profoundly aware of its extreme impact on their relationship. Co-author of the research, Lisa Neff, summarized this idea well:
“When couples are aware that stress may be impacting their relationship, it’s easier for couples to shift blame for their problems away from each other and onto the stressor. Doing so can help partners support each other more effectively, and ultimately, be more successful in weathering those difficult times.”
It is important to point out that blaming the pandemic simply buffers your relationship from being negatively impacted by pandemic-induced stress. It does not, of course, address any underlying relationship issues that existed prior to the pandemic. Those problems don’t disappear. However, pandemic awareness does prevent your relationship from having to endure significant stress and strain, which is a huge benefit.
If there are still key relationship concerns that have not been addressed, don’t hesitate to seek out couples counseling. Also, you can read specific tips on surviving the pandemic here.