There are many qualities in a partner that people look for: attractiveness, sense of humor, personality, and mutual compatibility. Yet, are there specific qualities that can “make or break” attracting a partner? A recent study produced some unexpected results, finding that the number one quality that young adults were looking for in a partner is kindness.
“Purchasing” Relationship Qualities
At the University of Swansea in England, 2,700 students from six countries participated in the study. These included three countries from the Eastern part of the world, including Singapore, Malaysia, and Hong Kong, as well as England, Norway, and Australia representing western societies. In the study, the students were expected to “purchase” qualities that they felt were important for a partner. They did this while following a limited budget to select particular qualities in a partner. Their choices included:
- Chastity
- Desire to have children
- Humor
- Kindness
- Financial prospects
- Physical attractiveness
The students were also expected to rate which qualities they believed to be “necessary,” “indispensable,” or “luxuries.”
Breakdown of the Research
The results of the students’ selections proved interesting. Out of the six relationship qualities that they could purchase, young adults spent most of their budgets on kindness. This was true for both men and women, regardless of which region they were from. After kindness, the results differed based on gender. For men, the next important quality they desired in a partner was physical attractiveness. With women, having good financial prospects proved to be the next important quality.
It’s interesting that kindness was the preferred #1 quality across all cultures. Some cultural differences were revealed in the study. For example, humor was considered an “indispensable” characteristic for all men on average. However, men from western countries rated humor as a “necessity.”
Dr. Andrew Thomas, the principal researcher with this project and an evolutionary psychologist, noted that ancestral men prioritized youth attractiveness when considering choosing a mate to reproduce. Although for women, their top concern at the time was having a partner who could provide for the family. This might explain why, for modern women, having a partner with good financial prospects might be considered important. Physical attractiveness though was still important, coming in at a close third place behind kindness and financial prospects.
Things to Keep in Mind for Attracting a Partner
Keeping this research in mind, here are a few takeaways for those who are in the dating world and are searching for a partner.
- Kindness is very important to consider when looking for qualities in a partner. Some believe that we are born with kindness, but I don’t think that’s necessarily100% true. I think that it’s important to be mindful and track our own kindness throughout our daily life. For those dating, although we generally try to put our best foot forward, it’s important to practice exemplifying kindness and to also work on improving in this area.
- You can start practicing kindness in small, meaningful ways. For instance, doing little things for your partner or friend that they will appreciate. That could be making a fresh cup of tea in the morning, or sending a thoughtful text message to them during the day.
- An additional takeaway from this research is that after kindness, getting yourself on firm financial footing will be important, especially for men interested in women. Of course, depending on your age and place in your career, this may not be as immediately obtainable.
- If you are struggling to create financial stability, consider asking the advice of a financial planner, advisor, or coach.
After trying these ideas, if you are still having trouble with dating or attracting a partner, consult with a relationship specialist.
It is fairly well known that kindness is important and most people gravitate towards it. Yet, there now is research to back up the belief that kindness really does matter in attracting a potential partner. Making some simple changes, and working with a therapist for singles counseling can help you when it comes to dating and relationships.