Our millennial generation’s tendency towards “hookups” has led to many dating apps. Though this generation may be more inclined to dive into a physical encounter, they are comparatively much more hesitant to take the matrimonial plunge. Additionally, millennials are also postponing starting their families.
Yet, new research published by Eharmony.com shows that couples ages 25-34 were actually in each other’s lives for 6 ½ years before deciding to marry. This is in contrast to other age groups who knew one another an average of 5 years before marriage.
So, why are millennials waiting to get married?
Making Career a Priority
There are several reasons why millennials are postponing marriage. One factor appears to be an emphasis on financial security. Traditionally, men wanted to be settled in their careers before marriage. For millennials, one noticeable change is that women also find it important to be established in their careers before feeling ready to get married. On a practical level, the desire to be financially secure makes sense.
Postponing marriage is also often due to the geographical separation between partners who may pursue their educational and career paths in different locations.
Additionally, millennials may wait to tie the knot due to rearranged priorities. In the past, couples would typically get married first, then sort out their careers later. Now, that trend has been reversed. A third reason they are postponing marriage is the desire to clear economic hurdles. These include needing to pay back student loans or finding affordable housing.
The Advantage of Longer Courtships
As noted above, couples now stay together longer before getting married. One advantage to this trend is that partners have more time to get to know one another. This is helpful for each partner to better understand one another. Also, it gives them time to determine whether they are a good fit and able to have a viable long-term relationship. Interestingly, millennials were more likely to be in a romantic relationship because they knew their partner previously. This was either in the form of friendship or a “friends with benefits” situation.
Changes in When People Marry
In general, the median age for marriage in 1970 was 23 for men and 20.8 for women. By 2017, the median age for marriage rose to 29.5 for men and 27.4 for women. Both men and women now want to start their careers before marrying. According to Benjamin Karney of UCLA, “People are not postponing marriage because they care about marriage less, but because they care about marriage more.” Even though millennials are open to having more casual sexual relationships, they still take marriage very seriously.
The Last Step
In the past, marriage was the first step into adulthood. Now, millennials see marriage as the last step towards fully entering the adult world. They want financial stability and established careers first. This is known as “capstone marriage,” where marriage is the last thing couples do to fully cement themselves in the adult world. This is opposed to couples in earlier generations who married first, then sorted out the other details later. Millennials tend to be somewhat cautious, wanting to make sure they are doing the right thing to avoid a potential divorce.
Therefore, it is a good idea to begin discussing your visions of marriage once your relationship is established. Do your visions align or are there significant differences? Is it possible to resolve those differences or is the divide too great? Having those conversations earlier in a romantic relationship is important to help decide if you are both on the same page regarding marriage and the path towards long-term relationship stability. If you and your partner conflict about getting married, seek out a skilled couples counselor for help.