In today’s instant-access online world, there are literally dozens of dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and Match. You can find a one-time physical hookup to a lifetime partner, and everything in between. Still, while online dating has its advantages, it is not without its limitations.
Too Many Choices
One problem with online dating is the sheer number of potential partners. Research shows that too many options can lead to “choice paralysis.” In one example, an experiment was conducted between two different food samples at a grocery store. At one table, shoppers could choose between 24 varieties of a food sample. The other table had just 6 varieties. People with more options were only 10% more likely to buy the food item. This is compared to those who had fewer options. With dating, bombardment by so many potential mates can lead to indecisiveness and inaction.
People vs. Products
Another pitfall of online dating is “joint paralysis.” This refers to swiping left or right on that dating app. You view these people not as potential partners, but as products. This means you are only looking at their physical attributes, not seeing them as whole human beings to get to know. Instead of who they are, you might focus on whether you prefer dark or light hair.
A Benefit to Those with Fewer Options
One of the most important questions is whether online dating sites are effective at determining your compatibility with potential partners. Finkle, et al, researchers wanted to examine this question more in depth. What they found was that dating apps are a mixed bag. On the plus side, they offer something conventional that dating does not. This would be a large pool of potential mates. That’s good for those who live in remote areas or don’t otherwise have a large pool of potential partners to select from in their current lifestyle or geographical location.
No Real Evidence to Support Claims
On the other hand, the downside is a tendency to objectify people when using dating apps. Thus, the most important question goes back to whether these apps do a good job at creating matches? In general, they really don’t. Eli Finkle, et al, states that:
“Regarding matching, no compelling evidence supports matching sites’ claims that mathematical algorithms work—that they foster romantic outcomes that are superior to those fostered by others means of pairing partners.”
Relationship Aptitude
These dating apps and websites typically use just two methods to help you find a compatible match: similarity and complementary. A similarity is in effect when a site matches you with someone who shares similar interests. A complementary approach attempts to find you a partner who helps enhance each of your qualities. Unfortunately, these two methods are not thought to be as important to relationship success as was once believed.
Current research is now pointing to a more important quality called “relationship aptitude.” This is a trait connected to emotional intelligence. It also refers to the capacity to develop intimacy and closeness in a relationship. The ability to become more securely attached to a partner is key. The bigger picture? It’s less important to complement or to be similar to your partner. Rather, it’s much more important to have the capacity to be emotionally close and attached to someone in a healthy way.
Tips for Online Dating
Consider these ideas when dating digitally:
- If you are able to meet single people conventionally, that’s great. But, if your lifestyle is not conducive to meeting many potential partners, it’s certainly worth trying dating apps.
- Be aware the pitfalls of online dating, especially objectification and losing sight of getting to know the whole person (and not that one physical characteristic).
- When online dating, it is important not to have extended online communication before meeting in person. There’s no real substitute for meeting face-to-face to determine a good match.
If you notice that you are attracting unhealthy partners or are making poor relationship choices, it’s important to get professional help.
In the modern world, there is more than one way to meet potential partners. Regardless of meeting people online or more conventionally, remember to look out for more genuine connections with others. Try not get too caught up in superficial, less important aspects of a potential partner.