There are literally thousands of articles online about how to rediscover the passion in your relationship. In addition, there are also many posts about how you can reestablish the sexual chemistry that you once had at the start of your relationship. Everybody has their own opinion on each topic, with countless different recommendations.
It can be confusing to figure out which advice to follow and which changes you should make. However, there is some good news! Recent research shows that there are specific steps you can take to improve both your sex life and your relationship satisfaction.
Research into Improving Sexual Desire
Researchers, led by Amy Muise, were interested in discovering what might increase sexual desire in long-term relationships. Knowing that sexual desire decreases after the honeymoon phase or the beginning of relationships, researchers found that engaging in “self-expanding activities” with your partner helps counteract a declining sex life.
Essentially, these activities created a higher level of sexual desire between partners and contributed to greater relationship satisfaction. They also found that following this self-expanding activity a couple is much more likely to have sex that same day. These self-expanding activities not only increased sexual frequency but increased sexual satisfaction amongst couples who participated in the research too.
So what are Self-expanding Activities?
The concept of self-expansion refers to our need to grow, mature, and improve ourselves throughout the course of our lives. This involves pursuing activities, hobbies, and interests that allow us to learn new things and to have fun. The research showed that, in three separate studies, couples who pursued self-expanding activities had sex more often and had more satisfying sex lives.
When you think about participating in new activities with your partner, the findings of this research really make a lot of sense. If you are pursuing novel, interesting, and engaging activities you will likely become more relaxed, open, and present with what you are doing. Now, imagine the effect that has when you do these things with your partner and you can see how pursuing self-expanding activities together can help to create greater relationship satisfaction.
What Types of New Activities Will Help?
The good news is that participating in self-expanding activities doesn’t mean you have to jump out of an airplane or climb Mount Everest together. Nor do these activities require having to spend tons of money. Here are some possibilities:
- Sign up for a new class together
- Travel to a new place together locally
- Read the same book and discuss it together
- Try out a new board game
- Attend a cultural event
- Play a new sport or try a new physical activity
Remember, the idea is that you get involved with your partner, not pursue these activities on your own. Of course, it is healthy and important for most couples to maintain their own solo interests and hobbies. You should absolutely not give those up.
However, it’s also important to expand your horizons as a couple. These experiences can help bring you closer together, reignite your sex life, and improve satisfaction in the relationship.
Steps to Improving Your Sex Life and Relationship Satisfaction
- Agree to commit to trying new self-expanding activities together.
- Try having each partner alternate proposing new outings or activities.
- Plan and schedule these activities in advance. This allows couples to have something to look forward to and experience the anticipation of a future outing.
- If, after trying the above steps, you are still struggling to improve your sex life and your happiness in your relationship, don’t hesitate to get help from an experienced couples counselor.
What helps make relationships special is having a partner with whom you can share your life. Naturally, there will be many times when you are both just trying to get through the day with work and/or family commitments. However, being in a relationship also means exploring the world and expanding your horizons. When you do that together, you can reignite the spark that you once had at the start of your relationship.